The real winner, my friend Judy… I am a proud friend today, I am proud of her, of her strength, of her battle. Yesterday Judy finished her challenge. I know she’ll come around soon with an update.
She still has 2 weeks of hard work left ahead, getting rid of the poison that is saving her life. I wish her courage and strength in this last bout and I am so very proud of her, for never giving up and finishing her challenge.
Judy, way to go love! We are all right behind you!
Well chemo number 5 is done and behind me. It was truly a milestone in a couple of ways.
The most amazing and profound way is that my dear, courageous and inspirational friend Isabelle was crossing the finish line in Austin, just as I finished the treatment. Isabelle approached me at the time of my news with a card, heartfelt words and an offer to be by my side on this journey in many ways. Isabelle, was training for her trip from Vancouver to Austin Texas as part of the Live Strong Organization event, and made it her personal goal to raise 10,000 and make the voyage and wanted to do it in my honour. I was humbled and touched and thus we started our journey together. We have drawn strength, courage and a determination from each other and that has served us well in many ways….We are kindred spirits and I am grateful to have her in my life. Isabelle was victoriious on so many fronts and then some….and she continues to support me as only she could……I would like to take the opportunity to mention Isabelle’s group of riders, who too, rode in my honour for a leg of the race, and victorious in their jouneys.. Thank you from the bottom of my heart….
The other milestone was getting number 5 under my belt, with much trepidation and anxiety. The side affects from last treatment were much more difficult to deal with and i worried whether it would be worse. It wasn’t long when those symptoms experienced after the last treatment started to return. I recognize now that the last 6 weeks will be the most difficult for me to deal with and I may just have to rest…lol…what a thought. Again, I have the most amazing support system, and my dear friend Rosanne made the trip for this treatment. I know how hard it has been on those who love me and how much they want to be here, and those treatments with friends and loved ones mean so much. I really could not have got through them without each and every one of you…. Our chemo day was good, all went well, and we had a great visit and some laughs……Rosanne cooked an unbelievable birthday dinner and Pete joined us for supper. It is so important to try and maintain some sense of normalcy and experience life and what it has to offer each day….. and that continues to be my focus..
It is interesting that it takes you almost an entire couse of treatments to know what you should do, what you can do, what will come next, is this normal, why didnt they tell me this the last time, I am just now finding this out and i have one treatment left………The experience is like no other, and is so different for everyone, where is your point of reference, why is there not a better guided reference…maybe there is where is it…….I have learned so much and it is all information i hope i never need again, but yet there are so many …just starting out…..food for thought….what will i do with this experience……For now, I am working through the side affects of this treatment and focusing on one more treatment and a time, in the not so distant future, where I will feel fabulous and ready for my next adventure..
Well I am over the hump so to speak, number 4 down and 2 to go.
Number 4 brings with it a new drug, and as I learned when i got to treatment, a new procedure. First I cant have my chemo in the arm with the blood clot anymore, which leaves the other arm which they cannot use a tourniquet. That was an experience in itself and the nurses first! Needless to say my arm is a mess.
Then came these new rubber boots and gloves filled with ice packs. When i asked what they were for, I was told to try and stop my finger nails and toe nails from falling off. The side affect of this drug…
Just when i thought all the fears were behind me, I was filled with dread. I got over the loss of a breast, then my hair, and you have got to be kidding me…not my finger and toe nails….
Then to add to it the nurse told me the flu symptoms would be much worse, but I thought how bad can it be…It wasn’t long before i found out…
This is definitely the toughest yet, but then I recalled a quote from the book Man’s Search for Meaning. There is much wisdom in the word’s of Nietzsche: “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” I thought, this is easy compared to how many have suffered and endured much worse. I have so much to be grateful for and it is a constant reminder of my blessings and the amazing future ahead of me.
Life is journey and this is mine, and I am living it as intended, and sharing it with those who surround me with love and support.
My beautiful daughter is here with me for this treatment and we got through it together, with a little anxiety at times, some laughter and a lot of love….Isabelle and Geoff ran for the cure in my honour today and I draw strength from Isabelle on a daily basis.. On Sunday she leaves for her bike ride from Vancouver to Austin Texas and I will be with her in spirit.
Looking forward to the better days I know are ahead…and give thanks daily for the most amazing support group one could ever hope for…..Thank you…Judy
The Bitter part of treatment - I visited my oncologist the day before my treatment to discuss how I was feeling and discuss my trip to Austin Texas. It was at this point that he advised me that I could not make the trip.
He further advised me that I had already had one treatment postponed when my white cells were too low, and that studies show, just postponing one treatment increased the chances of cancer returning.
He then let me know, rather off the cuff that the cocktail I was given during first 3 treatments was not covered by OHIP, for any more than 3 treatments, and that I would now start the alternative.
I was so devastated that I could not make the Austin trip, I wasn’t sure if I was paying enough attention to what he just said, but it resonated with me until leaving the appointment.
Thank god my girlfriend Shannon was with me and the school teacher that she is, took great notes of all that transpired. We got to the parking lot and I said “What is up with OHIP only covering three treatments”…She was surprised as well…
Again this is a learning experience, and while you go in armed with information, unless you have previous knowledge, you are left at a disadvantage:
+ Why was this not mentioned at the beginning of treatment?
+ Do I have an option of paying for this myself?
+ How good is the alternative?
+ If I pay for just one more of this cocktail, will it help my already compromised situation?
+ How much is the cocktail?
These are now questions I am researching and will need to get the answers to.
The Sweet part of treatment - I have reached the midway point and while I have questions to be answered and side effects to endure, I have had my friend Shannon experience this part of the journey with me.
Together we worked through the anxiety, emotions, and of course the side effects.
This was a tough treatment for me as I was sicker than usual and could not have got through it without Shannon. Shannon has taken care of me…shared lots of stories, as only she could, and brought laughter to what could otherwise be a difficult situation.
Again, I am blessed with an incredible network of friends who continue to support me through this journey in only a way that they could, with love, support, understanding and of course what I need the most… laughter…. I will continue to look on the bright side of things and experience the joy that each day brings, as there is always joy in each day…….stay tuned
I was so relieved to learn that my white cell count was back to where it should be and that they were proceeding with my second chemo treatment.
My girlfriend Mel travelled from Sudbury for the treatment and after care and it makes it just that much easier to have that special someone going through the process with you.. I also realized, just how hard this is on those who love me…
I think experiencing the treatment brings a sense of reality that can be overwhelming. The second treatment was so much different from the first and I wasnt prepared for it.
We got through the first night and I received the injection to stimulate my bone marrow to produce white cells 24 hours later..
This adds new and different side affects, and I struggled with them. I started to doubt that there might be better days ahead, but refusing to accept anything but the fact that it would get better..it did.
It shocks me how many people this disease has touched and I am approached daily with people sharing their stories of their loved ones and their battles.
It is overwhelming how people who were strangers one day, are offering their support and help in any way that I need.
To say that it is humbling is an overstatement, and I am touched daily in a most profound way. I am looking forward to chemo number 3.
my mid way point, but have realized this journey will not end when chemo treatments are finished…this journey is just beginning for me…..
Well I showed up for treatment number 2 with excitement that number 2 would be over in no time and all and then only 4 to go.
I registered at the desk and the receptionist said |”Oh your lucky today, it is so quiet today which I responded “
I know it was quite the last friday I was here, I guess people dont want to be sick on the weekend”…and then she says “Oh no…we had a lot of cancellations today because it is Friday the 13th”.. and I respond “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING…HOW MUCH WORSE COULD IT POSSIBLY GET!”
We all have a little chuckle and I go and sit and wait for my name to be called…
I hear a nurse call my name and start to get up and she approaches me and says” Oh no dear don’t get up”….I was thinking what now….
Long and short…my white cell count didn’t come back. and was dangerously low therefore they could not give me chemo. as they refer to it…I went neutropenia…so I leave the hospital disappointed that number 2 is not under my belt…somewhat frightened that my system is so compromised already, that my bone marrow is not producing white cells…and wandering what is next….
The moral of the story….it could always get worse……
Well i have just had the best few days since my first chemo treatment.
I feel great physically and emotionally and am truly at peace with this journey.
I am surprised and grateful on how well I feel. I know now, that when I hit those rough patches which are ahead, that they will be followed with good days as well.
That will be my focus…
Well… I have hit a wall. After the first 3 days, i have to admit I thought this was going to be a breeze…nothing worse than a bad hangover, but I guess the course of treatment they give you for 3 days following chemo really helps, with side effects..
Now I understand day 4, 5 and 6 are the worse, but as I have said everyone is different, but I seem to be following that pattern.
I felt so great, that I really didnt know what hit me all of a sudden…How could I go from so good to so bad in 30 seconds.
Quite a false sense of reality really… I actually was laughing with my girlfriend last night telling her how horrible I felt and that earlier in the day I was actually thinking this isnt that bad and I probably wont lose my hair either…
Struggled through today..looking forward to tomorrow and hopefully feeling better..
I would be lying if i didnt say that I had some trepidation facing the first treatment, but I approached it as I approach most difficult situations, with no preconceived ideas on how bad it could be and focussing on the fact that I had to embrace this in the most postive light I could, and so I did.
While I didnt feel great over the past 3 days, I certainly have felt worse…Everyone is different, and I plan on being the one, that has the least amount of side effects…so far so good..
The home nurse told me that it is accumulative, and that it will only get worse, but those words rolled off my back like water off a duck’s back….she doesnt know me I thought….So far so good…
I know i will have to deal with my hair loss this week, and that will be the last of my emotional roller coaster ride on this journey…..
one treatment at a time…one day at a time….all is good….
